http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/The self proclaimed ambassador of the farming and rural community is back....again!en-EUMokoFeed10http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/f7/81984e3d509faa760900f4a74f0887_160x200.jpghttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/29/meme-nicked-off-mattk-who-prob-nicked-it-off-someone-else-6031746/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-04-29:/2009/04/29/meme-nicked-off-mattk-who-prob-nicked-it-off-someone-else-6031746/Wed, 29 Apr 2009 21:00:43 +0200 <p>1. When showering, do you start the water and then get in, or get in then start the water?</p> <p>I don't shower, I bathe. Like a lady should. </p> <p>2. Do you read the labels on your shampoo bottle?</p> <p>Yes. Usually when I'm bored but oddly never before I buy them.</p> <p>3. Do you moan in the shower like the people on the Herbal Essences commercial?</p> <p>Depends on who's joining me <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>4. Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex?</p> <p>Yep.</p> <p>5. Have you ever been forced to shower with one of your siblings?</p> <p>No. My brother was 15 when I was born. It would have just been prerverse.</p> <p>6. Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower?</p> <p>Nope.</p> <p>7. Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot?</p> <p>Yep.</p> <p>8. How old do you look?</p> <p>I look my age (29)</p> <p>9. How old do you act?</p> <p>Like I'm 15. Hormonal tantrums and all (but these are usually restricted to 2 days a month now when you'd better stay out my way!)</p> <p>10. What's the last song you sang?</p> <p>Annie bloody Lennox - Walking on glass whilst waiting for the PC to boot up. And I was humming it actually. Well "doo doo dooing" if you know what I mean. That's not strictly humming or singing.</p> <p>11. Have you recently become a member of anything?</p> <p>I've been considering the BNP!! Only to really irritate my illegal immigrant ex husband (read other posts!)</p> <p>12. What are your plans for the weekend?</p> <p>Hopefully not seeing my ex hubby's brother or his family.</p> <p>13. Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed?</p> <p>Depends what mood I'm in and where I am.</p> <p>14. Whats the sexiest thing about Condoleeza Rice?<br> Erm. Nowt.</p> <p>15. Does anything on your body itch right now?</p> <p>No</p> <p>16. Who's the sexiest famous woman alive?<br> Me. Except I'm not famous. </p> <p>17. Who's the sexiest famous man alive?<br> Alan Shearer. No, honestly, he's my favourite bloke I'm never likely to shag.</p> <p>18. Does every family have a crazy uncle?</p> <p>No. I've got a millionaire uncle but I'm highly unlikely to inherit anything off him <img src="/img/smilies/icon_sad.gif" alt=":(" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>19. Have you ever smuggled something into your home country?</p> <p>No. I've only left my home country twice.</p> <p>20. Does playing the guitar make a girl/guy more attractive?</p> <p>Not really.</p> <p>21. Do you live in a city with a good sports team?</p> <p>No I live in a poxy village where the local sport is grumbling about the English. I'm English so I grumble about the people grumbling about the English.</p> <p>22. Have you ever finished off the popcorn and ate the junk from the bottom of the bag?</p> <p>Yep</p> <p>23. Have you ever had sex in a tent?</p> <p>Yes</p> <p>24. What about in a boat?</p> <p>No</p> <p>25. Have you ever dated a Goth?</p> <p>No and I wouldn't because they are very strange creatures who think they're expressing their uniqueness by all looking exactly the same.</p> <p>26. Can you fix your own car?</p> <p>I can't even drive my own car!</p> <p>27. Are you a beach person or a snowy mountain person?</p> <p>Mountain.</p> <p>28. If money were not a problem, where would you like to live?</p> <p>Somewhere surrounded by lots of horses and countryside, with lots of sexy gamekeepers that all look like young Sean Beans. Oh yes.</p> <p>29. Soft bed or firm?</p> <p>Whatever. I've been known to sleep on the toilet. Twice. And one was a public one.</p> <p>30. Last thing received in the mail?</p> <p>A letter from the Abbey National with my pin number because I've forgotten it. Again. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/29/meme-nicked-off-mattk-who-prob-nicked-it-off-someone-else-6031746/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/29/meme-nicked-off-mattk-who-prob-nicked-it-off-someone-else-6031746/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/29/guilty-memories-6031598/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-04-29:/2009/04/29/guilty-memories-6031598/Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:33:39 +0200 <p>So I let him know that I was onto him.</p> <p>Slime, my ex husband's slimey brother.</p> <p>He didn't like it. He emailed me back telling me how hurt he was for not believing his new found interest in his niece was genuine....oh and could I possibly print out this letter (a character reference) for Knobhead to use in court for his impending immigration case.</p> <p>Erm.... No.</p> <p>I hate it. His very presence in my life has brought back wave after wave of memories of hubby no 1. No, I wasn't as innocent I make out to people nowadays. Hubby no 1 was never a big bad wolf. Hubby was a 5ft 3in, good looking bloke. He did many things for me. Was it really all for show? I was a cow too. A spoilt brat. I have shameful memories of swiping him in his bollocks in the street during an argument and him writhing on the pavement. I can't remember what the argument was about. I was 17. Almost 12 years ago.</p> <p>I do feel guilty. I've actually wanted to apologise to him for years. Our daughter looks so much like him that I cant forget him.</p> <p>I'm in a funny place right now. Slime's cards are on the table and I think I've squashed his ego a little by showing him tht I'm not as thick or as gullible as he'd like to believe. He may well rule his roost by I rule mine. Hubby no 2 knows this and respects this and consults me over everything. Well, almost everything...</p> <p>I don't know what to do. I haven't seen knobhead for over ten years. I need to withdraw from the world and consider my next action. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/29/guilty-memories-6031598/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/29/guilty-memories-6031598/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/24/where-the-bloody-hell-is-5999530/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-04-24:/2009/04/24/where-the-bloody-hell-is-5999530/Fri, 24 Apr 2009 11:56:07 +0200 <p>Dennypoos?</p> <p>I feel quite concerned. </p> <p>Anyone know of the old goat's whereabouts? </p> <p>Did he get abducted by aliens on one of his bike rides? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/24/where-the-bloody-hell-is-5999530/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>dennypooshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/24/where-the-bloody-hell-is-5999530/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/24/fun-with-illegals-5999501/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-04-24:/2009/04/24/fun-with-illegals-5999501/Fri, 24 Apr 2009 11:51:39 +0200 <p>My ex's family turned up on my mother's doorstep last night.</p> <p>My illegal immigrant ex.</p> <p>The one I had deported.</p> <p>My mother rang me "Knobrot's family are here to see Stroppy (names have been changed to protect identity. Obviously.). His mother is here. She is crying. I had to let them in. Shall I send them up to you?"</p> <p>Ermmm. No.</p> <p>So I trundled down the hill with 3 of my 4 kids in tow, and was greeted by my ex's brother as if I was a long lost friend. I'm going to call the brother Slime as he is slimey.</p> <p>Slime sat in my mother's house, all togged up in a shirt and tie and looked just like a dodgy car dealer, with his mother and wife all wearing headscarves and heavy overcoats. (I however was wearing a low cut top and my crucifix - be gone oh vampires of the state!)</p> <p>Slime grabbed my daughter and sat her in between him and his mother. Stroppy looked most unomfortable while they pawed her and talked about her like they were buying a pony.</p> <p>Anyway, after all the niceties, photos and light hearted tales of family life were swapped Slime suddenly handed Stroppy £100 and announced that he'd like me to write a letter to Knobrot.</p> <p>He handed me a pre drafted letter of what he would like. It was full of phrases such as "It was lovely to see your family", "Please come again", "You're welcome at any time", and also the odd statement like "Thankyou for the money you have given us (£100) " and the use of my full maiden name.</p> <p>I took the letter and rewrote it, with less flowery crap, a mention of my husband and my other children, the promise of seeing his daughter downgraded to a maybe, and signed it with just my first name. I handed it back to Slime in a sealed envelope.</p> <p>When they left my mother told me that Knobrot was in a detention centre. He's been back in this country again as an illegal immigrant and has been caught. Again. That's why he wanted the letter - maybe to use in his case to stay in the country.</p> <p>I want no part of it. I have informed the school and the local police of the family's presence, and that the school is to only let the children out when I, my husband or my parents are present. I don't think they'd abduct my daughter but it is best to err on the side of caution. I'm not sure of the immigration status of his brother, but if they are not supposed to be here they are above the law already.</p> <p>It's a big cause for concern, and I can feel a recurrent nightmare unfolding. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_sad.gif" alt=":(" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/24/fun-with-illegals-5999501/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>illegal-immigrantshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/24/fun-with-illegals-5999501/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/21/little-things-5981174/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-04-21:/2009/04/21/little-things-5981174/Tue, 21 Apr 2009 11:50:29 +0200 <p>Life is good at the moment.</p> <p>The sun is shining and my kids have spent the entire school holidays getting muddy, building dens, riding and generally just being kids.</p> <p>I feel so lucky to be me, so grateful that my kids have the freedom to grow up in the sunshine without fear of strange weirdo freaky blokes. At the same time my kids are pretty streetwise and have to deal with some really awkward kids that are jealous of their ponies. I don't mollycoddle my kids and stop every scrap(however if the "nasty" kids start chasing my ponies I'm the first one over there shouting the odds)!</p> <p>I don't mean to sound smug, I'm just grateful for the little things. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/21/little-things-5981174/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/21/little-things-5981174/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/02/i-miss-dennypoos-5877027/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-04-02:/2009/04/02/i-miss-dennypoos-5877027/Thu, 02 Apr 2009 11:16:58 +0200 <p>I just thought I'd add that. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/02/i-miss-dennypoos-5877027/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>dennypooshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/02/i-miss-dennypoos-5877027/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/02/i-ve-had-my-hair-cut-5877006/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-04-02:/2009/04/02/i-ve-had-my-hair-cut-5877006/Thu, 02 Apr 2009 11:14:49 +0200 <p>And i don't like it.</p> <p>Gone are my long blonde locks. </p> <p>They've been replaced by a choppy bob.</p> <p>I don't feel at all sexy with shorter hair.</p> <p>I feel like a farmer's wife.<br> <img src="/img/smilies/icon_sad.gif" alt=":(" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/02/i-ve-had-my-hair-cut-5877006/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>dodgy-haircutshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/02/i-ve-had-my-hair-cut-5877006/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/02/eeeeeeek-cars-part-5876971/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-04-02:/2009/04/02/eeeeeeek-cars-part-5876971/Thu, 02 Apr 2009 11:10:39 +0200 <p>Well, I survived my driving lesson.</p> <p>Mainly because my driving instructor is not the ropey dirty old man type we tend to see up here.</p> <p>No he's mid thirties and brummie and awroight!!</p> <p>And him flirting with me is a good incentive for me to go back again. Although I did find my mind wandering on a couple of occaisions which probably isn't good for a learner driver.</p> <p>Yay! This is fun.</p> <p>I've got 2 hours of his undivided attention booked for next week!</p> <p>I am behaving though just in case you were wondering! I just don't seem to get the pleasure of male company nowadays what with hubby working away at the mo.</p> <p>But I'm being good. Things tween me and hubby are still excellent. It's just that flirtacious banter with a new face is fun...</p> <p>...and educational! Let's not forget the educational bit! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/02/eeeeeeek-cars-part-5876971/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>sexy-driving-instructorsscary-carseducation-can-be-funhttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/04/02/eeeeeeek-cars-part-5876971/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/03/31/eeeeeeek-cars-5864879/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-03-31:/2009/03/31/eeeeeeek-cars-5864879/Tue, 31 Mar 2009 11:57:52 +0200 <p>I've been absent for quite a while, haven't I?</p> <p>Anyway, I'm ok. I've had a few health problems of late but don't despair - if i was to snuff it I'd do it in a tasteful dignified way - unlike certain "celeb" non-entities.</p> <p>Today I have a driving lesson booked and i'm stupidly terrified. I hate cars and I really really loathe driving. I had 3 lessons when I was pregnant with daughter #2 and was a hormonal mess and didn't enjoy the experience much.</p> <p>I can see plently of reasons for driving but me in charge of a car really scares me.</p> <p>I can ride a horse with no probs yet I'm scred of cars. Some people are scared of horses. And yet I've never said to anyone "Haha! You're nearly 30 and you CAN'T RIDE?!"</p> <p>There is a stigma attached to not being able to drive.</p> <p>If I survive I will let you know. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/03/31/eeeeeeek-cars-5864879/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>scary-carshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/03/31/eeeeeeek-cars-5864879/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/27/domestication-feels-good-5459626/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-01-27:/2009/01/27/domestication-feels-good-5459626/Tue, 27 Jan 2009 21:01:13 +0100 <p>I seem to have been cutting a lot of dead wood out of my life recently.</p> <p>And suddenly life has taken a much slower pace. </p> <p>And I'm content. I'm amazingly content.</p> <p>I've started taking up the quiet habits of the old Lazy, the one that has never existed on blog.</p> <p>Things like cross-stitch and sewing. I made my eldest daughter a P.E bag this week out of an old velour blouse (its about 10 years old but I hung onto it because it's such a lovely colour) and I've embroidered her name on it.</p> <p>Cos I can.</p> <p>I've almost turned into a complete teetotal as well.</p> <p>Yet i feel so happy.</p> <p>And at the same time I'm making new friends, decent ones, and suddenly my little town has come alive with people that want to know me and cheerfully greet me when they see me.</p> <p>Its all so weird. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/27/domestication-feels-good-5459626/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/27/domestication-feels-good-5459626/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/27/goodbye-miss-g-and-i-mean-it-this-time-5459522/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-01-27:/2009/01/27/goodbye-miss-g-and-i-mean-it-this-time-5459522/Tue, 27 Jan 2009 20:48:21 +0100 <p>Its been 11 days, 21 hours and about 27 minutes since I last spoke to Miss G.</p> <p>Not that it really bothers me.</p> <p>I'm quite relieved actually. The last 11 days have been quiet, stress free and productive. I've found that when I'm not worrying about Miss G and her sprog I've got more more time to focus on my family.</p> <p>And Miss G went from bad to worse. She got in with her druggy ex-band member boyfriend, took copious amounts of crap, had a kid and then went a little...erm...skitz.</p> <p>She kept making up stories. Not just little tales to make herself sound interesting but huge great whoppers that made me worry about her mental health. Like the tale about the doctor telling her she was allergic to children because all children carry microscopic mites and she was allergic to them. <img src="/img/smilies/grayconfused.gif" alt=":??:" class="middle" border="0"> wtf? And she hadn't taken anything at the time.</p> <p>I've always been there for her, through thick and thin, but now I've realised how one sided the friendship has always been and I'm pretty fucking tired of the constant dramatics.</p> <p>I don't even miss her. </p> <p>I have good memories from the beginning: Chicken and sweetcorn soup squirting out of her nostrils because i had deliberately made her laugh after she'd taken a mouthful; us grazing the horses by the side of the road while we ate kebabs; her sitting on a shetland and getting bucked off....</p> <p>...but then the bad ones always follow: the looks she gave my husband when she thought I wasn't looking; her cattiness on the night of the carnival; her encouraging me to buy my current shetland and then slagging me off to people saying she couldn't understand why I'd bought him; her constant playing me off against her boyfriend...and eventually the bad ones outweigh the good.</p> <p>Goodbye Miss G. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/27/goodbye-miss-g-and-i-mean-it-this-time-5459522/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/27/goodbye-miss-g-and-i-mean-it-this-time-5459522/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/19/kill-it-cook-it-eat-it-5405234/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-01-19:/2009/01/19/kill-it-cook-it-eat-it-5405234/Mon, 19 Jan 2009 13:30:17 +0100 <p>I love this show.</p> <p>Its televised torture for vegetarians.</p> <p>I especially love the bit when they rip the head off the carcass. This makes me sound a little psycho, but even I was shocked the first time I saw it. I don't know what i expected them to do with the heads. Obviously, they've got to come off sometime in the process.</p> <p>But now I just love to watch the people's reactions to it.</p> <p>And I'm an animal lover with my dogs and cats and horses, but I can cut off the sentimentality when I'm hungry. I could eat a horse. No probs. If it was bred for meat then it wouldn't bother me.</p> <p>The way i see it is that all hunting animals have eyes at the front, while all veggie animals have eyes at the side. Mine are definately at the front.</p> <p>That's just how God intended. <img src="/img/smilies/grayyes.gif" alt=":yes:" class="middle" border="0"> <img src="/img/smilies/graylaugh.gif" alt=":))" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/19/kill-it-cook-it-eat-it-5405234/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/19/kill-it-cook-it-eat-it-5405234/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/19/wet-and-randy-and-that-s-not-me-5405072/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-01-19:/2009/01/19/wet-and-randy-and-that-s-not-me-5405072/Mon, 19 Jan 2009 12:57:58 +0100 <p>I had earmarked today for moving my biggest pony back to Mr Darcy's. The council are due to inspect my field and I know they will tell me off for overstocking it.</p> <p>I was going to walk him as it's only 2 miles and he's a bugger to load in the trailer. I could ride him but as he tends to pull up lame on tarmac (needs shoes!) I decided the best option was to walk him.</p> <p>It was drizzling this morning. I thought "That's ok. I'm not made of sugar." and set out, bridle and rope in hand, and got hold of him.</p> <p>Now, to get out to the road, I've got to walk him across a field of mares.</p> <p>Did he think "I've got no balls so there's no point in chasing the mares." and walk quietly by me side?</p> <p>Did he hell!</p> <p>Did the mares think "He's handsome but can't do the job." and leave us alone?</p> <p>Nope.</p> <p>Ten yards into the field and we were surrounded by squealing mares. The biggest, most dominant mare towers over me. The smallest mare is in season and is peeing and winking at him from her nether regions. He's pulling to get away from me. Hooves are flying. Teeth start coming in my direction...</p> <p>....I'm outta there! </p> <p>And then the rain starts. Not just ordinary shower but a deluge.</p> <p>Cock it! I'm going to spend the day on the PC instead.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/19/wet-and-randy-and-that-s-not-me-5405072/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/19/wet-and-randy-and-that-s-not-me-5405072/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/12/what-ever-happened-to-stevep-5365505/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-01-12:/2009/01/12/what-ever-happened-to-stevep-5365505/Mon, 12 Jan 2009 15:12:13 +0100 <p>Just realised he's missing off my friends list.</p> <p>Has he left? </p> <p>Has he disappeared?</p> <p>Did he give up on me during my long absence?</p> <p>Does anybody know? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/12/what-ever-happened-to-stevep-5365505/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/12/what-ever-happened-to-stevep-5365505/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/12/alan-unveils-5365461/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-01-12:/2009/01/12/alan-unveils-5365461/Mon, 12 Jan 2009 15:04:07 +0100 <p><img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/063/3138063_9b60c3e496_s.jpg" alt="alan_unveils" vspace="5" hspace="5"></p> <p>The picture's title sounded promising but the content failed to deliver! <img src="/img/smilies/graymad.gif" alt=">:-(" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>I really am turning into a sad old moo.</p> <p>I'm not drinking, not going out and spending far too much time in the company of children and non-humans...</p> <p>...so I'm going out with Miss G at the weekend.</p> <p>Yay! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/12/alan-unveils-5365461/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/12/alan-unveils-5365461/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/07/now-5336719/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-01-07:/2009/01/07/now-5336719/Wed, 07 Jan 2009 11:54:25 +0100 <p>I'm not even bothered about Mr Darcy anymore.</p> <p>In fact for the last three or so weeks I have felt quite content with Hubby. Its been nice. I haven't even thought of Mr Darcy at "inapropriate" times.</p> <p>My mind has been quiet. Almost too quiet. Just concentrating on the kids, husband and geegees.</p> <p>I've got three ponies at the moment. A quiet crossbreed gelding standing at around 13hh called Fudge. He's an ex trekking pony and was an excellent buy at £250. He's getting on a bit. He's 20 but he's full of life and eager enough to give lessons on.</p> <p>The next one is a little black Shetland pony called Rocky. He stands at 40.5 inches. He's had a bad past, and although you can tack him up and ride him well, obviously not me), he's still very nervous of people and doesn't like being touched or caught. I'm working on his confidence.</p> <p>The third is a pretty grey Welsh mountain pony called Beau. He's just a baby. Not even 2. When he came to me he hadn't been handled much but he's coming ona treat now. I even managed to get a rug on him last week. And a bridle!</p> <p>The plan is to give lessons to the local kids on them. I've had so much interest, and I'm already using Fudge but its not really going to take off until April when I (hopefully) get another, bigger field. I'm charging £5 for half hour, which undercuts my previous employer by 50%. </p> <p>I'm not insured though. That's the difference. I'm not insured or fully qualified. I'm getting parents to sign a consent form stating that everything is done within the safety guidelines of the BHS but is undertaken at own risk. I've still got to get it checked out by a solicitor, which I will do at some point soon, just to check nobody can sue me if the fall off.</p> <p>I'm hoping to catch the kids who's parents have been caught up in the current financial climate, who want their kids to continue riding but can't afford to go elsewhere.</p> <p>Meanwhile, its paying for the upkeep of the ponies and for my exams so I can get the qualifications to become a bonafide instructor.</p> <p>Everybody thinks its a good idea except my Dad but he hates my horsiness. He thinks they're a painful, expensive waste of time.</p> <p>But I love them. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/07/now-5336719/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/07/now-5336719/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/07/alan-shearer-as-a-bang-babe-5336502/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-01-07:/2009/01/07/alan-shearer-as-a-bang-babe-5336502/Wed, 07 Jan 2009 11:08:07 +0100 <p>Does that appeal to anyone else?</p> <p>Alan Shearer gyrating in a pair of boxers in front of the camera?</p> <p>Anyone?</p> <p>Just me then.</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/07/alan-shearer-as-a-bang-babe-5336502/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/07/alan-shearer-as-a-bang-babe-5336502/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/06/goodbye-mrs-jones-5331609/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-01-06:/2009/01/06/goodbye-mrs-jones-5331609/Tue, 06 Jan 2009 12:19:38 +0100 <p>...you fat old hag!!</p> <p>Yep. I've done it. </p> <p>I announced to the school that i was removing my kids from the school at the end of the week. They are going to the skanky kids school, which turned out to be not as skanky as i first thought. They even have an after school bible club, which I've enrolled my lot on despite their groans of protest. A bit of religion is good for kids. It gives them something to rebel against when they're older. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>The headmistress looked a little shaken when i anounced my kids' departure. The school only has 40 kids in it. The removal of my 3 leaves quite a dent. </p> <p>The headmistress is lovely. If it wasn't for Mrs Jones I'd have kept them there just to keep the headmistress's job secure.</p> <p>Now all that remains is for the new school to find provisions for son no 2's special needs.</p> <p>I'm feeling so happy and optimistic. The kids seem happy wit the move too. <img src="/img/smilies/grayyes.gif" alt=":yes:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/06/goodbye-mrs-jones-5331609/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/06/goodbye-mrs-jones-5331609/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/06/new-year-5331541/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2009-01-06:/2009/01/06/new-year-5331541/Tue, 06 Jan 2009 12:08:06 +0100 <p>I had a bloody rotten Christmas. </p> <p>We were all ill. The days leading up to Christmas me and the kids were ill. Some horrible tummy bug that makes you windy and burpy and sick.</p> <p>On Christmas day, however, we were all well.</p> <p>But it attacked hubby with a vengence the day after boxing day and he is still suffering bouts of it now.</p> <p>And then son no.1 was spewed up 20 minutes into the New Year. He woke up suddenly and it was like that scene from The Exorcist, minus the twisty head and crucifix.</p> <p>Happy New Year!! <img src="/img/smilies/graylaugh.gif" alt=":))" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/06/new-year-5331541/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2009/01/06/new-year-5331541/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/17/when-teachers-are-bullies-5235161/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2008-12-17:/2008/12/17/when-teachers-are-bullies-5235161/Wed, 17 Dec 2008 11:44:34 +0100 <p>I've had it with that bloody school.</p> <p>The primary school my kids go to. </p> <p>I moaned about it last year but now they've really upset me.<img src="/img/smilies/grayupset.gif" alt=":##" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Firstly, its a village school. I'm not a villager therefore I'm not in the same social group as the other mums. This normally leads to me standing at the gates on my own with noone to talk to.<img src="/img/smilies/graysigh.gif" alt=":**:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> Its definately not me. I'm friendly and chatty by nature and smile at any mum that makes eye contact with me. But they just don't like me. The ones in wellies are a little more friendly than their snobby rich ones but they still prefer their own kind. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif" alt=":roll:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Of course it didn't help me shagging Mr Darcy who has managed to fall out with every one at some point. </p> <p>And because they don't particularly like me they don't invite my kids to tea or to their parties, or come to mine when they're invited. In fact I arranged a halloween party this year and invited five village kids and a niece, and only my niece showed up. The others didn't even let me know they weren't coming. My kids were so disappointed.<img src="/img/smilies/grayupset.gif" alt=":##" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>As for the school itself, there's a Mrs Jones. I can't even be bothered to make up an alias for the woman because i despise her so much.<img src="/img/smilies/icon_wth.gif" alt="|-|" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>She goes to people who have just moved into the nearby villages and tells them that their school is better than their local school, and deprives the other village schools of much needed pupils.</p> <p>There is a lot of bullying in the school too. Mostly by Local Kid W, who's dad is a cage fighter and lets his son watch the videos of his fights. The kid is a complete delinquent and last year battered a kid so badly that he ruptured the kid's kidney. How did the school react? They swept it under the carpet and tried to hide it. Did the boy get expelled? Of course not.<img src="/img/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" alt=":crazy:" class="middle" border="0"> His mother is related to the governor.</p> <p>That was enough to make a few non-villager parents take their kids out of the school, but I perservered as my sister is also my youngest son's one-to-one special needs teacher. Without him she has no job. (She also has problems with her kids not being invited to parties etc even though she lives in the village and works in the school).</p> <p>But what happened 2 days ago has made me pull my kids from the school.</p> <p>We owe the school money. Its not a huge amount but significant. The headteacher knows that I'm in the process of sorting our debts out with the CAB and has no problem waiting.</p> <p>The daughter of my husband's employer is working in the school as work experience. Mrs jones told her about the debt and not only got her to text her dad saying that Hubby owes money :<tt>but to got her to go to the site where they are working and demand the cash. HIS EMPLOYER'S DAUGHTER!!:</tt>:<tt>:</tt></p> <p>How embarrasing is that? You know, debt isn't something you really want to shout from the rooftops. The only reason I'm writing about it on here is because I'm so bloody angry.</p> <p>My kids go to that school. Its not as if I'm not going to pay. Its just that it's Christmas, I've got 4 kids to buy presents for(and they don't even get expensive presents. Their big presents this year (they get one big present and about 5 or 6 other things each) are a bike (£35), a skateboard (£35), a second hand playstation 2 for the youngest son (£35) and a portable DVD player (£58) for the daughter who is impossible to please.), 3 ponies to feed and a mountain of debts to pay off.</p> <p>Some would say get rid of the ponies but soon those ponies are slowly becoming a lucrative source of income - so ner!</p> <p>There's also a whole catalogue of other reasons why I don't like the school, and in particular, Mrs Jones. Including the fact that Ladbrokes are refusing to put odds on her winning the big raffle prize every year. Every raffle every year she scoops the big prize. I don't even buy tickets any more. I just exchange bemused glances with my mother and sister when Mrs Jones wins once again!</p> <p>And her son and daughter are spoilt little shits. There should be some rule saying that children shouldn't be able to attend the same schools that their parents work in. Her daughter was the root cause of the bullying of my eldest two years ago before she left to go to secondary. Of course i complained but nothing was done. How I hoped and prayed she'd have the crap beaten out of her at the big school.</p> <p>She never did though <img src="/img/smilies/icon_sad.gif" alt=":(" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>So my kids will not be going back next term. I'm not sure which school they will be going to yet. The closest one is full of skanky kids, and the next closest one only teaches in Welsh.</p> <p>Hubby has applied for a farming job in Cheshire. It comes with a 3 bedroom house and is near a village. Another village school but Mrs Jones won't be there.lus I can still set up my riding lessons there.</p> <p>My sister will lose her job<img src="/img/smilies/graycry.gif" alt=":`(" class="middle" border="0"> but i can't keep sending my kids to THAT school just for her sake. I'm tired of the politics involved in keeping my family happy. There comes a time when you've just got to do what's best for your own children and husband. </p> <p>And what isn't best for them is atending a school that is biased towards the English, does nothing about bullying, that fixes raffles and allows a teacher to humiliate and bully parents. </p> <p>I once campaigned to save that school from closure, now I hope it closes for good.<img src="/img/smilies/grayupset.gif" alt=":##" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/17/when-teachers-are-bullies-5235161/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>bullyinghttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/17/when-teachers-are-bullies-5235161/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/10/all-donations-welcome-5199071/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2008-12-10:/2008/12/10/all-donations-welcome-5199071/Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:01:58 +0100 <p>I'm going to start a charity.</p> <p>The charity directors that live in the village seem to be EXTREMELY well off so I thought i'd give it a go.</p> <p>They live in a huge house with an equally huge garden and drive 2 shiny 4x4s. All bought with their earnings from charity work.</p> <p>Last year they purchased a an old mill that had been converted into three holiday cottages. They paid £1 million pounds for it. Out of the charity of course. It was bought "for" the disadvantaged children that the charity "helps".</p> <p>No child has ever been seen there. However, many holiday makers have.</p> <p>Makes me sick. </p> <p>They show you adverts about benefit fraud but they never show any about the "creative accounting" that happens within charities, which is ten times worse in my book. That money was given with the intention of helping children not to line the pockets of the already wealthy. </p> <p>Well, I've got my own "disadvantaged" children to take care of. They're disadvantaged because they've got to share a Playstation 3 instead of each having their own. Poor souls!</p> <p>Please feel free to give a donation. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/10/all-donations-welcome-5199071/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>charitycreative-accountinghttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/10/all-donations-welcome-5199071/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/09/a-pussyfooting-we-shall-go-5190290/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2008-12-09:/2008/12/09/a-pussyfooting-we-shall-go-5190290/Tue, 09 Dec 2008 15:05:04 +0100 <p>Sympathy.</p> <p>I'm shit at it.</p> <p>I just didn't know how shit at it I was until this morning.</p> <p>Miss G's grandad died on Friday night.</p> <p>This is a man that lovingly raised Miss G after her parents' marriage collapsed when she was 9.</p> <p>Obviously, she's quite upset about it.</p> <p>She text me on saturday morning with the news and I replied with all the right things. Cliches like "I'm sorry for your loss," "If there's anything I can do.." etc etc.</p> <p>All was well and good.</p> <p>But this morning she rang me and caught me unprepared. I don't carry the "Sympathy Script" in my head like other people do.</p> <p>She moaned about her aunt taking over the organisation of the funeral. I come out with a gem like "I'd kick her down the hole after him, if I was you."</p> <p>Ouch.</p> <p>So I tried to backtrack with "Actually don't do that. I'm sure he wouldn't want to be stuck in a hole with her for eternity."</p> <p>Ouch.</p> <p>And then it emerged that he is being cremated. Miss G says "I've never been to a cremation. I hope we won't smell him burning." What do I say? "Apparently, it smells like bacon."</p> <p>Ouch.</p> <p>I immediatly apologised and said that I wasn't good at being sympathetic. She just laughed and told me not to get a job as a grievance counsellor. </p> <p>And then she told me that our chat had been refreshing. Where everyone else had used the "Sympathy Script" and had pussyfooted around, there I was jumping in with my size 6 wellies. In fact my shameful lack of tact had been quite welcomed.</p> <p>Its not that i don't feel sorry for her. Its just that life moves on doesn't it?</p> <p>Recently Hubby's sister found a lump in her breast. Hubby's response was to avoid her. "Leave her alone. She will be worrying.". The first thing I did was ring her and say "You can still walk can't you? Come shopping with me!"</p> <p>She came.</p> <p>And when I gave birth to my fourth child after a 4 hour labour the nurse offered me a wheelchair to take me up to the ward. I just looked at her. And walked.</p> <p>Nobody wants the "Sympathy script" or to be fussed over. And if they do then they aren't in genuine need of it in the first place.</p> <p>Lets get a little more realism in this life. People die, people get ill and people give birth. It happens. What matters is that we get on with life after the event.</p> <p>You can come to me for a tea or a coffee, and maybe even a biscuit, but don't come to me for the sympathy.</p> <p>I haven't read the script. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/09/a-pussyfooting-we-shall-go-5190290/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>sympathydeathgriefhttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/09/a-pussyfooting-we-shall-go-5190290/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/04/parents-are-the-root-of-all-evil-5161514/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2008-12-04:/2008/12/04/parents-are-the-root-of-all-evil-5161514/Thu, 04 Dec 2008 11:33:41 +0100 <p>Oh yes, they really are.</p> <p>I'm 28 now, for Christ's sake, and I still feel I have to act like a rebellious teenager to get them to listen to me.</p> <p>My father completely over-rode my decision last night, and let my eldest stay at their house. I said no. My parents favour my eldest two and appear neglect the youngest two because they are my husband's. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" alt=":crazy:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Trying to explain to them why that is wrong is like trying to walk through treacle. My father isn't even speaking to me this morning. I'm really pissed off with the whole situation and I don't know how to get them to see the situation as it really is. </p> <p>It upsets the other kids, irritates my husband and causes huge arguments between us. Most couples argue over money, we argue over my bloody parents.</p> <p>I don't know what to do about it. Should I ignore them like they are me? Should I stop the children seeing them? </p> <p>Talking doesn't help. I've tried to explain, I've spoken to them and I've put it in a letter. NOBODY LISTENS TO ME!<img src="/img/smilies/grayupset.gif" alt=":##" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>They just treat me as if I'm irrational and paranoid. When I was a kid I used to stomp out the house and bunk off of school and go to the arcades. </p> <p>I wish I could now.<img src="/img/smilies/graysigh.gif" alt=":**:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Well, I could but it really wouldn't help the matter. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/04/parents-are-the-root-of-all-evil-5161514/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/04/parents-are-the-root-of-all-evil-5161514/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/02/does-anyone-else-fancy-alan-shearer-5150750/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2008-12-02:/2008/12/02/does-anyone-else-fancy-alan-shearer-5150750/Tue, 02 Dec 2008 13:32:51 +0100 <p>According to a recent survey (Well, I asked one bloke!) fancying Alan Shearer is more socially acceptable than fancying Piers Morgan.</p> <p>Which is good because Shearer is currently at the top of my celebrity "to do" list! That's mainly because Piersy hasn't been on telly for a while, and I get woken by that sodding Match of the Day theme tune every sunday morning when hubby switches it on.</p> <p>Cue a groan, a sigh and a kick from my side of the bed, and then a sudden "Ooooh" as i hear Shearer's voice and sit up.</p> <p>I hate the football bits. I wish that cut all that crap out and just focus on Shearer. I've got no idea what he's talking about but he makes me smile.</p> <p>I've fancied him since I was about 16. Yes, i did (and still do) get strange looks when confessing that!</p> <p>I think I've got a thing for older, arrogant men. </p> <p>Its strange the things i find attractive.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/02/does-anyone-else-fancy-alan-shearer-5150750/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>shearerhttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/02/does-anyone-else-fancy-alan-shearer-5150750/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/02/happy-birthday-denny-5150661/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2008-12-02:/2008/12/02/happy-birthday-denny-5150661/Tue, 02 Dec 2008 13:13:25 +0100 <p>Just wanted to say:</p> <p>Happy birthday, Dennypoos!!! </p> <p>yes, I know its tomorrow but there's no guarantee of me being online tomorrow, my cantankerous old pal!</p> <p>Miss you!!</p> <p>I miss your grumbling! Its reason enough to get back online!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/02/happy-birthday-denny-5150661/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/12/02/happy-birthday-denny-5150661/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/06/10/am-i-weird-4296308/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2008-06-10:/2008/06/10/am-i-weird-4296308/Tue, 10 Jun 2008 10:22:11 +0200 <p>Am I the only one that finds Piers Morgan strangely alluring?</p> <p>I do wonder. Hubby gave me one hell of a strange look when i mentioned that I quite fancied him.</p> <p>I've always had a thing for Alan Shearer too.</p> <p>Russell Brand has gone down a few places in my list of fanciable men. </p> <p>I must compile another list sometime.</p> <p>But not today because I'm in the library and it would be embarrassing if somebody read it over my shoulder. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/06/10/am-i-weird-4296308/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/06/10/am-i-weird-4296308/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/05/27/singledom-and-stabbings-4229200/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2008-05-27:/2008/05/27/singledom-and-stabbings-4229200/Tue, 27 May 2008 17:01:55 +0200 <p>I really hate not having access to a computer.</p> <p>I hate doing all these lengthy catch-up posts.</p> <p>Yep, I'm still here! I haven't forgotten you all.</p> <p>I left Hubby, sold my gee gees (well, one was nicked and my insurance didn't cover her because deep down in the small print of the policy it tated that the horses must be kept in a field with post and rail fencing. How many fields do you see with post and rail??? How many people can afford post and rail??? Thieving bastards, all of them.)</p> <p>Anyway, while I was on my own I decided to impress Mr Darcy with dinner.....and ended up stabbing my bloody hand with a breadknife. Clever? No. And despite my insistence that it was fine (I pulled the thing out, washed it, stuck a plaster on it (I'm as hard as nails, me! <img src="/img/smilies/graylaugh.gif" alt=":))" class="middle" border="0">) but Mr Darcy insisted that I should go to hospital. </p> <p>5 hours I was in there! 5 hours! Just for a couple of steri-strips and a bit of a dressing. It was only half an inch deep, half an inch wide.</p> <p>Well, that scuppered up my plans of an evening of raunchy shananigans.</p> <p>And I've lost the feeling in my middle finger. But its not too bad cos I'm mostly left handed.</p> <p>And I'm back with Hubster now. Its just easier. And he doesn't fuss like a girl when I hurt myself, my kids are there, and everything is so much cheaper when I'm with him.</p> <p>Miss G's had her baby and given him a ridiculous name that I can't rememer or spell. </p> <p>And I've got another new dog. Sable - Miss G's unruly alsation puppy. Why she got a puppy when she was pregnant remains a mystery. </p> <p>I hope you lot are well. I'm gonna get back online ASAP. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/05/27/singledom-and-stabbings-4229200/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/05/27/singledom-and-stabbings-4229200/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/04/03/title-3991092/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2008-04-03:/2008/04/03/title-3991092/Thu, 03 Apr 2008 15:57:14 +0200 <p>And so in my hour of need....</p> <p>....my handsome hero on his motorbike!!!</p> <p>Well, remember when I said I wanted to meet him but kept getting spooked and fate kept putting things in the way.</p> <p>I'm gonna meet him next week. He knows I'm trouble and I know he's trouble so we should have a laff!</p> <p>Life's been horrible for the past year and everything I've done to make myself feel better has gone pear shaped... so why the hell not?</p> <p>Even the kids have noticed the change in my mood.<img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>This is where Dennypoos adds some words of advice. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/04/03/title-3991092/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/04/03/title-3991092/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/04/03/trouble-3991034/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2008-04-03:/2008/04/03/trouble-3991034/Thu, 03 Apr 2008 15:47:46 +0200 <p>Hubby hates me and has turned to booze.</p> <p>We've been arguing so much that we've had the police round twice. They took one look at the door Hubby smashed in his temper and they are convinced that I'm a beaten and abused woman.</p> <p>Me? Beaten and abused? Ha ha! I'd like to see him try!</p> <p>Anyway, they said if it happens again they will contact social services as they are worried about the welfare of me and my kids.</p> <p>..life just gets better...<img src="/img/smilies/graysigh.gif" alt=":**:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/04/03/trouble-3991034/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/04/03/trouble-3991034/#commentshttp://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/04/03/bloody-horses-again-3991004/tag:lazystown.blog.co.uk,2008-04-03:/2008/04/03/bloody-horses-again-3991004/Thu, 03 Apr 2008 15:43:13 +0200 <p>So with G crying to me, I've also got Mr Darcy complainig at me.</p> <p>My big mare has kicked one of his ewe's in the face. The ewe is now wandering around peeping out of swollen eyelids.</p> <p>He wasn't amused.</p> <p>He's going to be even less amused when he finds out my little mare is up the duff. I'm currently concealing her swelling belly under a huge rug. But with the weather warming up its going to have to come off soon...and the secret will be out!!</p> <p>I dunno what the father is. She must have been with something before I had her.</p> <p>And another horsey worry is that I am struggling to keep weight on the big mare and I'm gonna have to take the foal off her soon if she keeps losing weight.</p> <p>More worries. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/04/03/bloody-horses-again-3991004/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lazystown.blog.co.uk/2008/04/03/bloody-horses-again-3991004/#comments