My ex's family turned up on my mother's doorstep last night.
My illegal immigrant ex.
The one I had deported.
My mother rang me "Knobrot's family are here to see Stroppy (names have been changed to protect identity. Obviously.). His mother is here. She is crying. I had to let them in. Shall I send them up to you?"
Ermmm. No.
So I trundled down the hill with 3 of my 4 kids in tow, and was greeted by my ex's brother as if I was a long lost friend. I'm going to call the brother Slime as he is slimey.
Slime sat in my mother's house, all togged up in a shirt and tie and looked just like a dodgy car dealer, with his mother and wife all wearing headscarves and heavy overcoats. (I however was wearing a low cut top and my crucifix - be gone oh vampires of the state!)
Slime grabbed my daughter and sat her in between him and his mother. Stroppy looked most unomfortable while they pawed her and talked about her like they were buying a pony.
Anyway, after all the niceties, photos and light hearted tales of family life were swapped Slime suddenly handed Stroppy £100 and announced that he'd like me to write a letter to Knobrot.
He handed me a pre drafted letter of what he would like. It was full of phrases such as "It was lovely to see your family", "Please come again", "You're welcome at any time", and also the odd statement like "Thankyou for the money you have given us (£100) " and the use of my full maiden name.
I took the letter and rewrote it, with less flowery crap, a mention of my husband and my other children, the promise of seeing his daughter downgraded to a maybe, and signed it with just my first name. I handed it back to Slime in a sealed envelope.
When they left my mother told me that Knobrot was in a detention centre. He's been back in this country again as an illegal immigrant and has been caught. Again. That's why he wanted the letter - maybe to use in his case to stay in the country.
I want no part of it. I have informed the school and the local police of the family's presence, and that the school is to only let the children out when I, my husband or my parents are present. I don't think they'd abduct my daughter but it is best to err on the side of caution. I'm not sure of the immigration status of his brother, but if they are not supposed to be here they are above the law already.
It's a big cause for concern, and I can feel a recurrent nightmare unfolding. 
