Sympathy.

I'm shit at it.

I just didn't know how shit at it I was until this morning.

Miss G's grandad died on Friday night.

This is a man that lovingly raised Miss G after her parents' marriage collapsed when she was 9.

Obviously, she's quite upset about it.

She text me on saturday morning with the news and I replied with all the right things. Cliches like "I'm sorry for your loss," "If there's anything I can do.." etc etc.

All was well and good.

But this morning she rang me and caught me unprepared. I don't carry the "Sympathy Script" in my head like other people do.

She moaned about her aunt taking over the organisation of the funeral. I come out with a gem like "I'd kick her down the hole after him, if I was you."

Ouch.

So I tried to backtrack with "Actually don't do that. I'm sure he wouldn't want to be stuck in a hole with her for eternity."

Ouch.

And then it emerged that he is being cremated. Miss G says "I've never been to a cremation. I hope we won't smell him burning." What do I say? "Apparently, it smells like bacon."

Ouch.

I immediatly apologised and said that I wasn't good at being sympathetic. She just laughed and told me not to get a job as a grievance counsellor.

And then she told me that our chat had been refreshing. Where everyone else had used the "Sympathy Script" and had pussyfooted around, there I was jumping in with my size 6 wellies. In fact my shameful lack of tact had been quite welcomed.

Its not that i don't feel sorry for her. Its just that life moves on doesn't it?

Recently Hubby's sister found a lump in her breast. Hubby's response was to avoid her. "Leave her alone. She will be worrying.". The first thing I did was ring her and say "You can still walk can't you? Come shopping with me!"

She came.

And when I gave birth to my fourth child after a 4 hour labour the nurse offered me a wheelchair to take me up to the ward. I just looked at her. And walked.

Nobody wants the "Sympathy script" or to be fussed over. And if they do then they aren't in genuine need of it in the first place.

Lets get a little more realism in this life. People die, people get ill and people give birth. It happens. What matters is that we get on with life after the event.

You can come to me for a tea or a coffee, and maybe even a biscuit, but don't come to me for the sympathy.

I haven't read the script.