Am I the only one that finds Piers Morgan strangely alluring?

I do wonder. Hubby gave me one hell of a strange look when i mentioned that I quite fancied him.

I've always had a thing for Alan Shearer too.

Russell Brand has gone down a few places in my list of fanciable men.

I must compile another list sometime.

But not today because I'm in the library and it would be embarrassing if somebody read it over my shoulder.

I really hate not having access to a computer.

I hate doing all these lengthy catch-up posts.

Yep, I'm still here! I haven't forgotten you all.

I left Hubby, sold my gee gees (well, one was nicked and my insurance didn't cover her because deep down in the small print of the policy it tated that the horses must be kept in a field with post and rail fencing. How many fields do you see with post and rail??? How many people can afford post and rail??? Thieving bastards, all of them.)

Anyway, while I was on my own I decided to impress Mr Darcy with dinner.....and ended up stabbing my bloody hand with a breadknife. Clever? No. And despite my insistence that it was fine (I pulled the thing out, washed it, stuck a plaster on it (I'm as hard as nails, me! ) but Mr Darcy insisted that I should go to hospital.

5 hours I was in there! 5 hours! Just for a couple of steri-strips and a bit of a dressing. It was only half an inch deep, half an inch wide.

Well, that scuppered up my plans of an evening of raunchy shananigans.

And I've lost the feeling in my middle finger. But its not too bad cos I'm mostly left handed.

And I'm back with Hubster now. Its just easier. And he doesn't fuss like a girl when I hurt myself, my kids are there, and everything is so much cheaper when I'm with him.

Miss G's had her baby and given him a ridiculous name that I can't rememer or spell.

And I've got another new dog. Sable - Miss G's unruly alsation puppy. Why she got a puppy when she was pregnant remains a mystery.

I hope you lot are well. I'm gonna get back online ASAP.

And so in my hour of need....

....my handsome hero on his motorbike!!!

Well, remember when I said I wanted to meet him but kept getting spooked and fate kept putting things in the way.

I'm gonna meet him next week. He knows I'm trouble and I know he's trouble so we should have a laff!

Life's been horrible for the past year and everything I've done to make myself feel better has gone pear shaped... so why the hell not?

Even the kids have noticed the change in my mood.

This is where Dennypoos adds some words of advice.

Hubby hates me and has turned to booze.

We've been arguing so much that we've had the police round twice. They took one look at the door Hubby smashed in his temper and they are convinced that I'm a beaten and abused woman.

Me? Beaten and abused? Ha ha! I'd like to see him try!

Anyway, they said if it happens again they will contact social services as they are worried about the welfare of me and my kids.

..life just gets better...

So with G crying to me, I've also got Mr Darcy complainig at me.

My big mare has kicked one of his ewe's in the face. The ewe is now wandering around peeping out of swollen eyelids.

He wasn't amused.

He's going to be even less amused when he finds out my little mare is up the duff. I'm currently concealing her swelling belly under a huge rug. But with the weather warming up its going to have to come off soon...and the secret will be out!!

I dunno what the father is. She must have been with something before I had her.

And another horsey worry is that I am struggling to keep weight on the big mare and I'm gonna have to take the foal off her soon if she keeps losing weight.

More worries.

I feel like a samaritan right now.

I've turned into an Agony Aunt. I'm becoming like Miriam "men are all bastards" Stoppard.

G is in labour, one month early. She's being fed drugs to keep the contractions at bay. She has to stay in hospital with a big harness thing holding her belly up for the past two weeks.. She's not feeling great - she's bored, in pain and has been worried that Captain Cockrot has been cheating on her.

Yesterday, Captain Cockrot dumped her, accusing her of "milking" her situation.

All I've had for 2 weeks is G constantly text and ring me with "do you think hes cheating?" "I hate him" "Help me." etc etc Now, I've got her crying in my ear.

I'm even moving my phone onto the same network as her to make it cheaper. All I can do is worry about her.

...I said I'd end up wading in and helping her out didn't I?..

Now, shes having my crib, my pram and all the baby clothes I possess because she's got no money. Isn't that the father's responsibility? I hear you cry. I thought so too but Capt Cockrot is too busy snorting illegal substances and drinking himself to death to care.

So here I am. Again. Good old me. Solid as a rock. Always there in a crisis.

One day she will learn to sort herself out.

Hubby found out about Mr Darcy. I wrote a flirtacious note to put in with the rent, decided not to put it in and stuck it on top of the fridge to be disposed of at a later date. I thought if I put it in the bin it would get found. It was the one day Hubby decided to put something on top of the friedge and knocked it down.

Oddly, he has forgiven me. And I've suddenly found myself in a new position of power. Hubby won't go after Mr Darcy because he knows that Mr Darcy would throw my horses ff his land, and if that happened I'd leave Hubby. Mr Darcy won't throw my horses off his land because he knows that if he does Hubby would go after him.

Its strange because I thought I'd have been punished for my actions, but instead I'm being rewarded with both men trying to keep me happy.

Am I milking it?
Of course, I'd be a fool not to.

I am enjoying little pleasures with Mr Darcy. Walks in the sunshine, checking on his sheep, playing games with his dogs and he makes me very happy. Theres nothing sexual happening at the moment.

Its just so weird.

I've been a bit crap at this blogging malarky of late.

I haven't got a working computer so I'm having to use other peoples, and the library has now banned any social activity on theirs so i'm a bit stuck.

And busy.

Bloody horses! I now spend my days worrying about Peanut the foal because the weather is either wet or freezing and his mother won't let me put a rug on him. She's a horrible horrible mare and I can't wait to get shot of her. Or take a shot AT her. But I'm going to have to wait a few months for the babby to be weaned.

My liitle afair with Mr Darcy is keeping me amused. It's amazing how much he has taught me in such a short time. I'm discovering new things about myself all the time. And its not like he's an expert lover or aything; god no, he's quite inexperienced. But I guess thats why it works so well because he's not prtending to be something he's not. He's very honest, to the point of rude, but its all good.

It can be awkward at times. His concious is usually at war with desire. I was confused about his behaviour for a bit but we had a good chat about it last week and now I understand why he goes all funny at times. I thought it was because he wanted to have his cake and eat it but its not like that. Its more the case that he convinces himself that I'm not a good idea....and then he sees me, things happen, and then he goes away again hating himself for being weak.

So I'm being good. I'm not throwig him "Come hither" looks any more and I'm in and oiut of the barn in a flash. I do not loiter. I do not linger.

But, dammit! I want him! I keep looking at his name on my phone, wanting to call him or text him but I dont because I'm being good. Oh so good.

And when if he's with his friends he damned near ifgnores me and won't make eye contact. Hubby is getting suspicious as he regularly drinks with Mr Darcy and Mr Darcy won't even mention my name despte the fact my horses are on his land and I see him every day.

And before anyone judges - may I remind you of all the trouble I've had with Hubby over the years!

Right I've got to go. I've got to pay Mr Darcy the rent. In cash. Unfortunately.

I didn't even know she was pregnant!!!

Mr Darcy text me early on saturday morning to tell me that my mare had had a dead foal and that I'd have to arrange to have the carcass removed (he's always a bit blunt!)

Anyway, by the time I had got up there it was suckling from its mother, with Mr Darcy standing nearby shaking his head "Shows how good my animal husbandry is!"

"Yeah, you'll never make a farmer, will ya?"

Anyway, its a boy!! And we've called him Peanut.

He couldn't have been at a worse time. Mr Darcy had a new bull last week so the last remaining empty shed is now full. There are no proper field shelters - only trees and it hasn't stopped raining so I haven't been able to stick the (teeny weeny) new rug on him.

He'll have to take his chances for now.

I just hope he survives.

Its my 7th wedding aniversary today.

We both completely forgot about it.

It was only when I switched on my mum's computer and her calender flashed up that I realised what the date was. And then sat there thinking "Dec 11th? I'm sure i should know that date but why? Dec 11th? AAARGHH!"

I rang Hubby "Happy anniversary, darling."
"You what?"
"Happy anniverary!"
"Is it today?"
"Looks like it!"
"Oh well. Happy anniversary."

So we will celebrate our seven years together by doing absolutely nowt.

Ah well.